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I was talking about the Doctor Strange Multiverse of Madness movie with a friend of mine and he mentioned the pride flag that America wears. He said something like “That’s just Hollywood propaganda. There’s no way a 13 or 14 year old would know enough to know they were gay.” And I said, “I knew I was straight by that age.” He didn’t seem to have an answer for that one.
I figured out I was lesbian at 11, what kinda bs is that?
At Christmas family gathering, a few people talked about their early childhood discoveries - I think all three were younger than that.
Wonder how confused the people who say that teens can’t know were when they were teens. Not insulting them - I was one of those who was really confused as a teen (I questioned if sexual attraction was made up).
I think what you’re saying is completely correct and I agree completely, kids know they’re straight when they’re young, so of course it stands to reason that they know they are gay or any other thing too.
I do have young relatives who changed their mind also though, and I worry too much of you “you just know, it’s so obvious” can have a negative impact too, if a growing child decides to change their mind on what their sexuality is, they should not be worried that it might appear disingenuous or abnormal.
It can be obviously one thing at one point and later it can be obviously a new thing, sometimes it can be not obvious and that’s all fine and part of the human experience. Generally I’m saying: we should all be allowed to decide whatever we like about ourselves and our identity, and change those decisions whenever we like too.
What I’m trying to clarify is: let’s not let people changing their mind about their identity be used against the argument of you know whether or not you’re gay when you’re young.
Though I think it’s fair to say that the above post does not say “you know” but rather “I knew”…
Anyway I’m rambling now, out of fear of being taken out of context, so I’ll stop :)
this is what bothers me so much aboit the “born this way” narrative. living is changing and experimenting. trying to galvanise people into one specific identity for life is just another face of cis-heteronormativity. we need to be free to be our authentic selves in every moment, as we feel in that moment.
A lot of narratives like “born this way” are oversimplified by design so cishet people can begin to comprehend it. And sometimes they can’t even understand that.
They were “born that way,” but some people take a while to figure out what exactly “that way” is.
Was I born this way though? That question might not even make sense, humans are very complicated and constantly changing. “Born this way” is a retort to the “it’s just a phase” argument, but I think it misses the mark. Perhaps it’s a phase, perhaps not, why should it matter?
We can philosophize about how hidden variables control how people develop, and those variables may exist, but that’s really just a scientific curiosity, it should have no bearing on how we treat people.
the more i learn about humans the more one thing becomes clear to me: humans are incredibly good at adapting to new environments and accepting them as their new normal.
we are so incredibly shaped by our environments, i doubt there is much essential about people other than maybe a few inherent tendencies. that doesnt mean tho that people dont aquire attributes during their lives that become basically impossible to change. what has been unleashed once might be impossible to lock away ever again.
but whether inherent or not doesnt matter, because imo we should always let people be the way they wanna be and support them, unless they are being harmful (by a libertairian understnading), which is when we should try to help them or at least protect ourselves from them.
Was I born this way though?
The original ‘born this way’ movement wasn’t so much to imply people are ‘X’ way and there’s nothing that changes, it was a response to (Christians) claiming that people we being made gay, or that they chose to be gay instead of ‘what they were born as’ which was heteronormative stuff. It was the idea you could ‘anti-gay’ it out of them.
Now though, of course you’re right, there’s no ‘way you are born’ and everyone grows and changes as they age and experience. At the time though we were fighting a post-Reagan society that was hell-bent on turning back as many societal acceptances as possible (sound familiar? :( )
So yes it’s both out of date and not entirely correct, but the spirit is why it’s still used, I think. 2SLGBTQIA+ aren’t a monolith, and I don’t speak for everyone, I just lived through it.
Imagine having anything about yourself figured out by the time you hit 30.
I know that I like mangoes. Got that figured out at least
Right wing movements requre an enemy to attack to distract from their lack of helpful policy
Nothing will meaningfully improve until the rich fear for their lives
Idk if I trust teens to know they are allocishet - hard to know if its just societal pressure brainwashing them into believing it. /hj
Speaking as a boring cishet guy, I know it would have taken some major, science fiction-level brainwashing to get me to stop liking the girls I went to high school with, and/or start being interested in the boys. “Societal pressure” would not have been nearly enough.
It’s much more humane, and kind, to simply accept and support people.
If you don’t trust your future adults, than why should they trust you. Ageism at its finest.
So… Presumption of asexuality?
Sounds nice
No? Society presumes heterosexuality?
One of my kids came out as gay, and was immediately bullied by both staff and students (they were in trade school). I did the usual furious parent stuff, but also added a piece of flair every day to tell the world I was bi, and wore a bow in my hair. They came to me a few days later and came out as non-binary, and asked for help getting clothes to match who they were.
It wasn’t the threats I made to the teacher, it wasn’t the death stares I gave their classmates, it was seeing someone they trusted showing them not everyone is straight that did it. I am so very proud of them.
I didn’t do anything spectacular, I don’t want praise, I just want to tell everyone I meet that tiny actions like that ripple out.
You deserve an award for being an excellent parental figure. This is the kind of support kids around the world need more of.
You deserve an award for being an excellent parental figure. This is the kind of support kids around the world need more of.
I’m sorry I don’t mean to be combative here, but I absolutely don’t. This is the bar for being a parent, not a great parent, just a parent. Backing up your kids is quite literally the least you should be doing.
So please, I appreciate what you’re meaning to do here, yet I don’t want that to be how this story reads. I want people to hear that and know that’s what we need to be doing as a bare minimum. Even if you’re not a parent, this is basic community stuff. Kids bullying the poor young girl who’s trying to transition? Shut that shit down. Store owner won’t let certain races in? Shut that shit down. Kids feel like they can’t be themselves because it ‘isn’t normal’? Shut that shit down.
i’m trying to wrap my head around deciding to come out in an educational setting-- like were they all on his social media or did he stand in front of class and give them the update, directly?
Telling friends or just casually slipping it into the conversation (“my boyfriend said…”), I guess.
They painted their nails. Classmates asked “are you a fag?” They replied something like “Guess so.”
They painted their nails to match their overalls. Then when asked, said they were in fact gay.
