I hear where you’re coming from but I think it’s worth noting that dating in your 30s and 40s is very different than in your teens or early 20s.
You’re at a stage where talking to a woman just feels like talking to a person and you know who you are. Young men are going through wild hormonal fluctuations and are still in the process of discovering themselves which are major hurdles.
Young women are going through similar challenges at that stage.
Dating at that age is more complicated in some ways and I don’t think being present and respectful of autonomy is generally enough unfortunately. People in that age group are generally more impulsive and have a tendency to judge one another more on superficial characteristics, often arbitrarily.
Respecting a woman’s autonomy is objectively in the moral right and we should be teaching young men to do this. Both parties should be respectful to one another.
Not to say that dating in your 30s and 40s isn’t complex, the complexities are just different.
Granted, I was a late bloomer, an incel until I went from Codependents Anonymous in my mid twenties into the local kink community, and again, into the hands of women who knew what they wanted, and I was still cute enough to be that at least to some of them.
The other factor is that I’ve been crazy all my life and in the psychiatric sector all my adult life (even to the point of doing peer counseling based on raw experience). But it means when there’s drama, when someone has dark stabby secrets, is divergent or has a split personality dissociative identity or something, I don’t even blink, and we’re back to clothes being pulled off again.
My guess is most of us are just looking not to be rejected out of hand over something trivial, or more accurately, to be able to be ourselves without our partner screaming and running off into the night, and any time I could be the guy who didn’t do that, I was usually getting laid followed by invites to come live with her. At least I was looking for [just someone with whom I could be myself mask-off]. Granted hormone addled young adults may think they want more than that, but I got over it really quickly.
I hear where you’re coming from but I think it’s worth noting that dating in your 30s and 40s is very different than in your teens or early 20s.
You’re at a stage where talking to a woman just feels like talking to a person and you know who you are. Young men are going through wild hormonal fluctuations and are still in the process of discovering themselves which are major hurdles.
Young women are going through similar challenges at that stage.
Dating at that age is more complicated in some ways and I don’t think being present and respectful of autonomy is generally enough unfortunately. People in that age group are generally more impulsive and have a tendency to judge one another more on superficial characteristics, often arbitrarily.
Respecting a woman’s autonomy is objectively in the moral right and we should be teaching young men to do this. Both parties should be respectful to one another.
Not to say that dating in your 30s and 40s isn’t complex, the complexities are just different.
Granted, I was a late bloomer, an incel until I went from Codependents Anonymous in my mid twenties into the local kink community, and again, into the hands of women who knew what they wanted, and I was still cute enough to be that at least to some of them.
The other factor is that I’ve been crazy all my life and in the psychiatric sector all my adult life (even to the point of doing peer counseling based on raw experience). But it means when there’s drama, when someone has dark stabby secrets, is divergent or has a
split personalitydissociative identity or something, I don’t even blink, and we’re back to clothes being pulled off again.My guess is most of us are just looking not to be rejected out of hand over something trivial, or more accurately, to be able to be ourselves without our partner screaming and running off into the night, and any time I could be the guy who didn’t do that, I was usually getting laid followed by invites to come live with her. At least I was looking for [just someone with whom I could be myself mask-off]. Granted hormone addled young adults may think they want more than that, but I got over it really quickly.