You can’t turn the power off and lack the incentive to ever do anything for yourself. You soon die of dehydration.

When you’re not completely naked, your clothes are invisible

There’s no I in denial

These kids don’t even know when they’ve got it good. I mean, even being in your 40s isn’t that bad

I used to think that if I could have a superpower I’d like to be able to take a big rancid shit at will, but open up a portal so it would arrive in the pants of a person of my choosing. But these days, what’s the point? Most world leaders could be absolutely destroyed by a well timed beer dump, but Trump wouldn’t even notice anything unusual.

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I’d have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

Those 3 way plug outlets are pretty cool

Put a schuko adaptor on a UK plug and you have a device for fucking up schuko sockets

Oh don’t worry about that, just plug in your 110V appliances and watch them run twice as fast

The logic of eating bugs is undeniable, but so is the revulsion. I need it in a form where I can tell myself it’s just anonymous protein. If we can turn a blind eye to what goes on in factory farms and slaughterhouses, we should be able to not look at where our bugburgers come from as well.

This is why eggs should be sold in packs of 15

If you want nice warm hues in your portraits, always pose with a Walmart shopping bag