• Well yeah of course it’s not as simple as that. We’re talking about a whole another human being here. You’re describing it like you want a checkbox “has a partner” ticked, not like you actually want what that entails. If you don’t want a boomer style, I-hate-my-wife kinda relationship, then dating doesn’t stop when you’re together, it would go on for the duration of the relationship. If you don’t like the game, then don’t complain about not playing it?
• yeah, that’s not the same as making your peace with it though; that’s the opposite, called holding a grudge.
• It wasn’t your only option, but you admitted several times already that you’re not willing to do what it takes. That’s your decision and that’s fine, but why blame others for the outcome?

And the rest of this… Man those are some issues. Staying at home when your partner needs you is “putting in work”, but we won’t even consider that those words could mean to work on yourself… Even after multiple relationships failed after the initial infatuation could not carry them anymore.

And after writing thousands of words defending being bitter at your own choices, you accuse others of making you dwell on this. The only one in control of what you write is you, so either you secretly enjoy it, or therapy can help you out of it way, way better.

As someone in a relationship I can tell you that there’s no problem with “the system”, only with the people.

• put in effort: you’ve put SOME effort into it, but evidently not enough to get a life partner. There are other people who DO go further than you, and have life partners. Can’t have your cake and eat it too.
• make peace with it: Technically giving up means the battle is over, thus you have “made peace”. Usually people understand it as leaving a situation WITHOUT it making you bitter, though - and that’s how I meant it, too.
• live a bitter life: Yes. This one is your choice. Not the other 2.

In the end relationships are A LOT of work, even before they start; and paying that price is simply not for everybody.

So… no human contact, then?

If people who don’t use too much internet are mystical creatures for you, then you are already in very deep. Join a club, go to meetups, anything where you interact with people non digitally, or you will become a very bitter, caustic person. The signs are already there in your replies, but the ball is in your court, and you are responsible to take action if you don’t want that.

Oh good, so all I have to do is date someone who isn’t interested in dating?

No, it means statistically you’ll need to try with more than 2 people to find a “good” person - because even if the split was 50/50 in the beginning, the easy going people are leaving the dating pool faster in comparison.

Nobody says you NEED to date, but you don’t radiate any kind of gracious “eh, dating is just not for me” attitude. Instead you seem quite bitter, attributing it to an unfair system instead of that unwillingness to come out of the digital world more.

So it’s roughly 3 options:

• Put in the effort
• REALLY make peace with not dating, not out of spite, but enjoying the choice
• live a bitter life

I wish you the best.

You need less internet. Or less contact with people who have too much internet.

The situations you’re describing, stuff like saying he’s not a real man, is what I see online, in YouTube videos videos etc. Those videos obviously have a selection bias, they pick the most egregious examples because that’s what gets clicks. I’ve never seen it in real life.

And IF you see it in real life, well obviously their values don’t align with yours, so why would you even WANT to date them; look elsewhere.

On top of that, also keep in mind that people who are “easy-going” (to summarize it as that), will leave the dating pool, while the difficult ones will stay there; you’re searching water in a swamp, kinda.

Yeah English is not a clear, direct language.

When English speakers say someone gets defensive, it usually doesn’t refer to literally the act of mounting a defense, without any moral connotation.

Instead, they usually refer to someone telling on themselves, by mounting a defense where there was no attack intended on them.

Like that recent trump interview, where pedophiles got mentioned, and he immediately “got defensive”, screaming that he’s not a pedophile, even though nobody made that statement about him in that interview.

I don’t need excuses

Maybe Arbee’s? Taco Beell? Starbeeucks?

It’s showing more centimeters than inches