If you’re really fit.

I would like to report that I’m very much alive, thank you.

“Dreaming in my ass” - I think I’ll pass.

Turn one of the wheels in the wrong direction at the wrong time: instant death for all.

About 20%

Exactly. The only reason Trump became The Führer is his ability to basically hypnotise the morons with his insane ramblings. Something he has in common with a certain failed painter from Austria, incidentally.

Two more days is just about as much of this shit as I can take.

“I’m getting the impression that you’re not really a team player, Tim!”

As someone who works in a job where they’ll only ever book cheap hotels, I can confirm.

I hope your mom is enjoying her new dildo.

I can fix her!

I second Mint. I’ve installed it on my laptop with zero issues, although that thing is pretty old so your mileage may vary on newer hardware. But mint comes with pretty up to date kernels these days so it’s definitely worth a try.

Where can I find this? I had a slice of rainbow cake the other day and I’m a little scared. Might be a good idea to keep the antidote ready.

Good thing I live on the ground floor.

The US religious fundamentalists have managed to impose their fucked up values on the world. Calling it “family values” was always a lie.

That works too.

I have a cable box with a switch on my desk. When I turn it off everything is off.

Never forget: the Abrahamic religions were started by a guy, who was willing to murder his own son because the voices in his head told him to.

What if I told you that all words are made up?

Not for sale in the US of A.