Darren

Any language that has ‘stroopwafel’ cannot be a serious language.

Man, they’re good though.

I’ve lost count of the fines I’ve received for having my dick out for Harambe, but I refuse to not show respect.

“And now the news from Beans and AFC Wimbledon”

I saw the London Symphony Orchestra play Holst’s The Planets at the Royal Albert Hall at the weekend. We were sat right up by the organ pipes, so when they started rumbling it was absolutely incredible.

10/10

I played their version of The Trooper on my radio show last week. Seemed go down very well indeed.

D, because I’m British and can’t trust them forrins to not put too much spice like salt in my food.

It is, as it happens.

I’ve gone one step further: my wife’s boyfriend fucks my wife for free, meaning it costs me nothing to keep working at my business.

I had a cat that trained me to sit down to pee.

The only time I could ever get her to purr was when when I was sat on the toilet. So, of course, I began sitting down to pee in order to maximise her purring and fusses. And it kinda stuck.

I once jokingly mentioned to my wife that leaving the seat up is just as convenient for me as leaving it down is for her. To which she pointed out that, of the four different permutations of toilet use between us, 3/4 require the seat to be down, so all in all, it makes sense to leave the seat down.

And dammit, I had to marry a logical autistic, didn’t I?

So now I always (try to remember to) leave the seat down.

Yes Geoffrey.

🎶Poptarts on a borzoi You know, you know This is serious 🎶

Cheers for the heads up!

Ok buddy.

In most of the world, they are. And most of the world doesn’t have fascists in charge.

Meanwhile, your “working class” is armed to the teeth and fascism is still running amok.

10/10 no notes

My kid went through the same phase all kids do of refusing to go to bed.

So one night he’s grabbing on to the baby gate at the top of the stairs like a con in a prison movie, screaming and yelling. I’m at the bottom of the stairs trying to ignore him.

He fixed a stare directly at me, stopped screaming, and shit in his pants.

So yeah, 100% of parents have arsehole kids.

I am amused.