Mr. Jesus is getting Lemon Pledge.

Marge Simpson in shambles.

0420 0069 1337 8008

Where do you even get these bumper stickers? Is there that much demand for them?

No officer, the tree jumped in my way, I swear!

Big if true

I died of dysentery on the Oregon Trail hopefully my gravestone says something like rest in peace and not something vulgar.

You laugh, but my son did something similar. He said “daddy I know you’re going through a hard time right now but I can help you carry your groceries” and I said “son, you’re 38 years old, why the hell haven’t you moved out yet?”

He shouldn’t have gotten his dentures from Acme.

I once had a group chat that got leaked. There’s a possibility that it may have involved some light treason.

The GameCube cases also came with a pizza roll holder but it was a little too small.

Sex: not getting any cause I was fired

Why was I born with eyes?

I learned about her from Double Dare.

Look, we all can’t get into Yal6, okay.

Baseball stadiums usually cut off alcohol sales after the 7th inning, which allows for fans to somewhat sober up before the end of the game.

Even Cousin Bob’s funeral?

A soup place I go to started to charge $3 for its once free bread. When I asked about it, they said “no soup for you!” and “come back one year!”. Then they took away my soup. At least I got my money back.

As an American, I had to work out the Roman Numerals the only way I know how: using Super Bowls. So the 1st Super Bowl is Super Bowl I (Packers over Chiefs), the 2nd Super Bowl is Super Bowl II (Packers over Raiders), and the 50th Super Bowl is Super Bowl 50 (Broncos over Panthers). Putting this together I get:

I II II 50

I’m at a loss as to what it could mean.

But how else am I supposed to find out that my car warranty expired?