That’s why you relax, and drink your coffee slowly. Also, the burning.

I pity you for seeing every interaction as a competition. Your life must be miserable. But not as miserable as everyone around you.

then why can’t you let it go?

I recommend some tea. chill

I already did, before my previous comment. Apparently, you can only see what you want to see.

And I can’t be blamed for that

Hold on, let me whip out my database of every image from every television show ever recorded, and I’ll get back to you.

But, since you apparently know everything, why don’t you tell me exactly what show, episode, and timestamp this frame is from.

What, is that ridiculous and unreasonable?

Ok

Seriously?

Edit: for those misreading this, this was me admitting I may be wrong.

Omg so tru

Believe everything you read on the Internet

Nobody should have to pay for water

This is not from House, but it should’ve been.

No pity. Everyone knows that you turn on the shower, then sit on the toilet until you shit everything out you can shit. Only then, do you get into the shower.

If you come out of the shower still needing to shit, you did it wrong.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You can, and it kind of does. Back in my 20s, when my nipples were still pierced, I tried this when I was really drunk. Thank goodness, the pictures have been deleted.

So much for “thoughts I’ve never had before”

Killer Klowns were too goofy to be scary

Nope, not even close.

“My wife had friends who were… [sniffles] Socialists!”

Don’t forget the very first Personal Pan Pizzas, just for Book It! high achievers!

Thanks. Now I’m crying uncontrollably… to drown all the evil clowns! Yeah, that’s it!

That’s a big boi

“Oh I’m sorry, we don’t have Coke. Is Pepsi OK?”