Bad kids get coal, which increases the chance that you’ll get lung cancer.

Good kids get cigarettes, which increases the chance that you’ll get lung cancer.

Santa has been recognized by the state of California as a cancer causing agent.

Every once in a while, I run into the olden smut magazines here on Lemmy, and I’m like, “That’s somebody’s grandmother.”

Sounds like you have a guilty conscience.

What information adults share with each other is between them, true, but when you put your business in a public market it is okay for people to comment on your business.

If they did not want the comments, they would not have put their business out for people to comment on them.

I didn’t say that there was. I said maybe that’s a good thing.

Maybe he didn’t know his wife was looking at porn.

Maybe they can look at porn together and have more fun sexy times together embracing each other’s sexuality.

Those ads are also usually targeted, which means that there’s a chance that your wife is looking at porn.

Make of that what you will, hopefully that’s a good thing for you guys!

You have broken the law, and therefore you have been sentenced to having your second Peepee whacked.

Bailiff, present the spatula

o7 rip

If it were a Costco 48 pack, that would be 13,434 calories, 653 grams of fat, 1.3kgs of pure sugar, and 206 grams of protein.

Bold of you to assume that.

With my childhood gifted kid status and my ADHD hypermemory I can remember all of my mistakes no matter how small and continuously excoriate myself for them always

And if you think it needs a little more feet without the commitment you can add fresh ground parmesan

Lpt: make friends with people at risk of Ctrl+Alt+Deleting themselves and offer to pay for their life insurance for a few years.

Either having a friend will save them or having someone who will actively profit from their death will make them live just to spite you, or you get $250k profit and the knowledge you made someone’s last days a little bit better.

Absolute worst case you’re out $2k but you get a good story to tell for it.

I see. So once again China has ruined comedy

Except it’s not Chinese censored, it’s Native American censored, and it’s not censored because I colored the blood to white to make it look like cum, which in my opinion would be far worse to see than blood.

So it’s not uncensored. I mean, it is uncensored, but it’s also whatever the opposite of censoring is, where things get worse.

Anyone remember the six week political news event that wrapped around Obama wearing a beige suit and how that sullied the Office of the Presidency?

Idk, sounds pretty gay to me

I mean, we won’t be either, but in both cases it’s their fault.

Unfortunately, unlike Courtney Love, I am not a walking study in demonology, so I’m not entirely capable of understanding their motives.

You ever notice how apple pickers use tools to get apples out of trees that haven’t fallen yet?

I believe this is the top of a mostly bald man’s head with glasses and googly eyes and him creasing his eyebrows together to make it appear that he has a nose.

Boo