I always liked Sam Kinison’s routine about Jesus coming back: “yeah, I’ll be back when I can PLAY THE PIANO AGAIN! OHH!! OHHHHHHHH!!!”

I had a boss once who went through a bitter divorce and many people at work were Facebook friends with his soon-to-be-ex-wife. She made one post where she described him as “ol’ three inches two minutes”.

At an absolute minimum he would be listed as “pre-diabetic”.

I can’t even bring myself to capitalize the t in trump. Or the m in musk, for that matter (or the n in nazi). It just implies a modicum of respect.

TV channels with the wrong numbers. Jeopardy on at 7:30 instead of 7:00.

YOU FIRED!

I like the message the Calvin sticker sends: “I am childish but have an old man’s bladder.”

Fun Blackbeard fact: he actually spent some time in Philadelphia. It’s not known whether he preferred Pat’s or Geno’s steaks.

I’m a school bus driver and I have one total moron of a coworker who thinks we should all carry guns to protect the buses. He specifically wants to have his AR15 with him, with its magical 40-round mags like that would make the slightest fucking difference after somebody starts off their assault by blasting the driver’s seat. I’ve been pretending I agree with him and encouraging him to suggest this to our (very liberal) school board - since he’s above me on the seniority list.

The fact that you used the word “Cringe” means the song probably came out before you were born.

Ha ha, I never actually ever paid attention to the lyrics all the way through. The last rap by Bush I is awesome.

Does anyone ever think the guys with anything at all like that on their clothing have forgotten how to be violent?

I don’t think he’s forgotten - I think he’s old and fat and has mostly lost the ability to be violent, except maybe to his wife. A young, fit man would beat the shit out of him and he knows it. IMHO that’s a big reason gun nuts are so into their guns, because it compensates for their physical weakness.

Ha ha good one!

But it snowed this winter! Once!

I’m a school bus driver and I have a coworker who is an avid climate-change denier. Here is an example of how stupid she is: she needed to borrow my bus for a run and I had it chocked. Since the chock was wedged solid under my front wheel, she decided she needed to use the crowbar to get it loose and tore the fuck out of it (and my front tire) in the process. It never occurred to her to start the bus and back up to free the chock.

She also 1) hates immigrants because they’re unvaccinated and “spread disease”, and 2) is anti-vax. I could never make this shit up in a million years. If you have children, consider that a lot of the people driving them to and from school are exactly this fucking stupid.

Larry David and Bernie Sanders are actually cousins. They got hooked up on that PBS show sponsored by Ancestry.com.

the exhumed corpse of Jack Lemmon as Joe Biden

He’ll finally get that third Oscar!

Lenin was not shy about having people taken out back and shot. He just died before he had the chance to do it on the scale that Stalin later achieved.

Fun random Lenin fact: Russia never had a tradition of preserving and mummifying the corpses of their Tsars and religious leaders. Lenin (d. 1924) was “mummified” (in a truly amateurish fashion) because of the worldwide popularity of Tutankhamun, whose tomb had been discovered by Howard Carter in 1922.

Another fun random Lenin fact: Vladimir Putin’s grandfather was Lenin’s chef.

Liberals’ tears!

an actively maintained storage system will last forever (as long as maintained)

I mean, this is really my point. This stuff isn’t going to be maintained forever and will eventually be lost - even if it takes 100 years or more. This idea of future archaeologists troweling their way through Facebook posts isn’t going to happen.

Even much of what we know about the first civilizations in Mesopotamia is only because their clay tablets - which were never intended to be permanent records of anything - were accidentally fired and buried when their storage facilities caught fire. It’s possible that some modern forms of media might be accidentally preserved and restored somehow thousands of years in the future, but it’s a bit hard to imagine such a scenario. Especially when we’re going to cook ourselves off the planet before then.

they like to make nicknames by taking the first initial and the first syllable of the last name

Oh god, this is worse than the initials+jersey number thing.

What forms of media are you taking about that have short life spans?

Things like tape drives and optical storage etc. Even if they have lifespans measured in decades (and these things typically don’t) that still means they have short life spans in terms of being recoverable in the future. A hundred years from now these things won’t be restorable.